When Men Hurt



Western societies continue to evolve on all levels. The shifting focus and inter dependency of gender roles on our social well being is taking a somewhat obviously subtle turn towards violence and retribution. In the twentieth century it was the women and children who were regarded as being the helpless ones in the context of situations involving domestic violence or relationship breakdown.

The empowerment of our independently driven women over the last decade has brought a fair deal of balance to the vulnerabilities of the sexes. In fact, our females have almost been enclosed by a legal regulatory frame work that acts as a force shield from the traditional domestic disputes and conflicts.



The socialization of both genders has seen our females in general not being invited to empathize with any emotional vulnerabilities of the opposite sex. The men also have been ruthlessly trained that a critical criteria which determines manhood is to not show any sense of emotional fear, intimacy or failure, especially as it relates to their relationships.

The unwelcomed reality is that after many decades of man being the sexually dominant figure and the economic centrepiece in the home, men are now having to face some hard changes. Their women are no longer willing to just be a frightened puppy when the treacherous situations of cheating and insensitivity pop up in their intimacies. Ladies are actually prepared now to move out and move on with their lives, largely due to the supportive frame work put in place over the years.

On the other hand, men are finding that, as their home lives deteriorate, they have no one or nowhere to really go to for some sort of solace or resurgence. They definitely cannot approach their brethren with whom they hang out and share their inner pain or pending family loss. The vibes from the Gaza culture and Hollywood instant retributive side leaves them with a seemingly easy and cost effective alternative of violence and swift murder.

Each time a man goes on the killing spree and slaughters his girl friend or woman there exists another man somewhere in the dark heartlands of despair, fear and frustration with his own family who is all the more encouraged to follow suit and rid the world of the persons he sees as representing his pain and loss. Such persons in effect have taken away his manhood. And a man without his manhood is no man.

The growing sense of domestic alienation of our men and young boys is sending a strong wake up call for balanced emotional support for the male gender. Many men now seem to have so very little to live for within a happy monogamous relationship. It is far easier for them to just see the need to satisfy their current sex drive and not necessarily to value "settling down" with one woman and their resulting offsprings.

The many teenage boys who have little choice but to become a man before they see puberty because of a missing father represents a flashing amber light in the social dynamics. Upcoming is a generation of tomorrow's men who have much disappointment, anger, hurt and confusion as to why their should-be role models never stuck around practically in their lives. They have to somehow deal with all the resulting pain before they can even think of having their own successful family.

Women and men have been hurt so much in relationships that a growing percentage of both sexes is starting to have little or no expectations of a future relationship that is built on stability, trust and commitment. The sweetness has been removed from many homes and so there are little incentives to anchor the heart there.